“So, tell me a little about you…” the voice danced across the table eager for engagement.
Divorced. The first and only word that came to mind.
My eyes gazed down, and as I noticed the intricate details of the delicate heart-shaped decor the barista beautifully designed within the froth of my latte, I also noticed how I had protected the delicateness of my own heart.
The word divorce provided distance in conversation and I’d lean on it to confirm my brokenness, my unworthiness, and in some strange way, I’d found security there. The truth was, I was shackled to my past.
I took a sip, and continued.
Well, I’m divorced and I have 2 darling kids and I work a lot. That’s about it. Tell me about you.
I learned how to quickly move the conversation from me back to the other person. Like a chameleon, I’d build a guarded pseudo-identity as the conversation progressed. Exhausted, I’d maneuver between sharing too much and sharing nothing at all. I had completely lost me and my own voice.
I existed in that space for quite a long time until a friend relentlessly demanded that she watch the kids so I could have a FULL day to myself to do whatever I wanted to do.
At first, I was so thrilled by the thought, until I realized I had no idea what I wanted to do, or what I would do, and ultimately decided to keep the kids with me. I knew what to do when the kids were around. They made the ‘doing’ part easy.
My friend refused and insisted that I take a day for ‘me’. When I shared that I had no idea what to do, she emphatically said, “Well, who were you before this big mess, before career, before the marriage, before kids? Find her back!”
So, here we go. The 7-steps to redefining and reclaiming me… and maybe you too!
Step 1: Always grab the goodies. You know, a coffee, your favorite tea, a glass of wine, a margarita… and don’t forget the snacks!
Step 2: Get comfy. I have favorite lounging pants and an oversized shirt for such sofa-surfing occasions.
Step 3: Blank pages. Favorite pens, color pencils, or even Sharpies! I am a Sharpie fanatic and have at least one of every color. The blank pages are important. To start defining the new, the scribbles and markings of the past must be kept in their place – in the past.
Step 4: Get the junk out. Without hesitation, start writing, scribbling, “wording” everything that you are not in the best, messiest way possible. The bottom line – get. it. out!
Step 5: Bring on the new & define who you are now. What makes you tick? If you could wave a magic wand, and when the pixie dust settled, what would you be doing? What are your hobbies? What books are you reading? What are you doing on a Sunday afternoon? Who are you with? If you are seeking a partner, what are his qualities? Who are your friends and why do you like them? There is no time to waste, so what and who deserves time with amazing you?
Step 6: Focus – Which quality do you absolutely love about you? If you had to fill in this blank – Me = ______________ – what would it be? Don’t worry, this may take some time and serious consideration. This may feel scary and foreign. It may even feel a bit selfish. Guess what? It’s OK!
Step 7: Take some action! What is one thing you can do within the next 24 hours that will make your heart smile because it’s you BEING YOU.
You can always pick up the pen to your life and write a different story.
Be the lead and dazzle yourself. Cheers to new beginnings, new chapters, new characters, new adventures, new stories.
The time has arrived to embrace the you that has emerged and is ready for a beautiful future.
PS. We’re falling Fiercely in Love with our lives! If you’re up for it, join us at Fiercely in Love!