What causes marriages to unravel?
The little things become the big things.
Why don’t you… ?
Don’t you know… ?
Why am I always the one who… ?
Why can’t he… ?
Why doesn’t he ever… ?
Why does he always… ?
Why is marriage so tough?
Why must we protect our marriages?
How do we protect marriage?
- Edify your spouse and speak well of him. Avoid all complaints, especially in public. When you have a complaint, speak to him. Respectfully and lovingly explain the context of your complaint and allow him to the opportunity to make it right. For example, your husband always waits until the last minute to get ready for church on Sunday mornings. He wakes up late, showers long, and always manages to get into the car at the very minute the service is beginning. Therefore, your family is late. When you are calm, lovingly say, “Hey, I know mornings aren’t your thing. Honestly, they aren’t mine either, but I really enjoy the Sunday morning worship music before the sermon. If you don’t mind, I’d like to leave a little earlier with the kids. You’re welcome to join us, or we’ll see you when you get there.” If he disagrees, simply state that as he has a choice, so do you. He is always welcome to join you. Most likely, you won’t be going alone, but even if you are, it’s ok. Pray for your heart to remain forgiving and pray for his heart to be called to join you and the kids.
- Converse with real conversations, not gossip, complaints, or emotional rambles. Over the years, I have had a tremendous amount of practice in this area. Believe me, real conversations require practice and a whole lot of grace. Real conversations might go something like this, “Hey Sweetie, I’ve been feeling distant from you recently, have you noticed this? (listen) It seems that we are both feeling the same way. Can we talk about how we can make our marriage better? I’d really like to get back on track. You’re important to me. If now isn’t a good time, let’s schedule it. When is convenient for you?” Lovingly ask. Lovingly listen. Focus on the good. Satan feeds on the negative. Don’t give him any material.
- Remind him why you chose him, and why he chose you. This is my favorite! As the little ’negative’ things become the big things that destroy your marriage, the little ‘positive’ things build up and become the big foundation of your marriage. I love sending my husband text messages of things that I’ve seen or read that remind me of him. I love to let him know that I care about his hobbies, even though I may not participate in the same activities. Sometimes I send a simple emoji, sometimes words, sometimes a surprise invite to an intimate evening!
- Schedule meaningful one-on-one time together. Yes, the word ’schedule’ is important! The days pass so quickly and if we don’t wisely fill our time; someone or something else will fill our time for us. Unfortunately days have passed without a hug, a kiss, or an “I love you.” Weeks have passed without an important conversation and months have passed without laughing together. Schedule time for the most important human in your life!
- Thank God for him daily. Intentionally pray over him and your marriage. Pray for his heart, his faith, his health, and his leadership of your family. Express deep gratitude for his service to you and your children. Express gratitude for all that he is in the moment and all that God is molding him into becoming. We are all a work in progress and the most beautiful journey we take is walking one another towards our heavenly home.
The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.